<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*Ne zaman vaktin var? dedi. Her zaman. Ona bu s\u00f6z\u00fc s\u00f6yleyemedim tabii. Her zaman vakti
olanlara sayg\u0131 duyulmaz. “Yar\u0131n” dedim, “hemen” diyece\u011fime ve bu s\u00f6z\u00fcmden, daha s\u00f6ylerken
pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duydum. (sf43)Ba\u015flay\u0131p da yar\u0131m b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir s\u00fcr\u00fc te\u015febb\u00fcs, evin her taraf\u0131na da\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. (Sanki kafam da
onlarla birlikte \u00e7ekmecelere, dolaplara, sand\u0131k odas\u0131n\u0131n e\u015fyalar\u0131 aras\u0131na da\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Kafam\u0131
toplayam\u0131yordum bu y\u00fczden.) (sf57)
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*Yeteneklerimi, sevgisizlik y\u00fcz\u00fcnden bo\u015funa harcam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m: Resim yapmay\u0131 becerebildi\u011fim halde,
resmini yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015feyi bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc sevemedi\u011fim i\u00e7in, resimler bi\u00e7imsiz olmu\u015ftu, yar\u0131m kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Tabiat\u0131
sevdi\u011fimi g\u00f6stermek i\u00e7in, medeniyetten ka\u00e7an insanlar\u0131n g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f\u00fcne b\u00fcr\u00fcnebilmek i\u00e7in, bu Allah\u0131n
belas\u0131 \u0131ss\u0131z yerde bah\u00e7eli bir ev tutmu\u015ftum; fakat bah\u00e7eyi otlar sarm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Hi\u00e7bir a\u011fa\u00e7 \u00e7i\u00e7ek falan
yeti\u015ftirememi\u015ftim buraya geldi\u011fimden beri. \u0130ki kiraz a\u011fac\u0131 da kurumu\u015ftu bu arada. Bir saks\u0131 bile
koymam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m; ne eve, ne de bah\u00e7eye. G\u00f6steri\u015ften ibarettim. Bir g\u00fcn trenle bir gecekondu
mahallesinin \u00f6n\u00fcnden ge\u00e7erken, bah\u00e7elerin \u00e7oklu\u011funu, insanlar\u0131n a\u011fa\u00e7lar ve \u00e7i\u00e7ekler yeti\u015ftirdi\u011fini
\u015f\u00f6yle bir g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm; pencerelerin denizlikleri, saks\u0131lar\u0131n a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan e\u011filmi\u015fti. D\u00fcnya, benim gibi
insanlarla dolu mahallelerden meydana gelseydi, bir beton \u00e7\u00f6l\u00fcnde d\u00f6nerdi. \u0130nsanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ve
insans\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n y\u00fcz karas\u0131yd\u0131m. Kendime ac\u0131mak istedim. Mutlak bir \u00fcmitsizli\u011fe d\u00fc\u015fmek istedim. Belki
tam d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fckten sonra \u00e7\u0131kmak kolay olurdu. Fakat, b\u00fct\u00fcn bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcklerimin, kelimelerden ibaret
oldu\u011funu biliyordum. Pencereye yakla\u015ft\u0131m, ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 yukar\u0131 kald\u0131rarak g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne bakt\u0131m. Ay
oradayd\u0131. Bildi\u011fim ay. Hay\u0131r, ben adam olmazd\u0131m. Ger\u00e7ek bir ac\u0131 duydu\u011fumdan bile ku\u015fkum vard\u0131.
(sf64)
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*Bir a\u011fac\u0131, ku\u015fu filan seyrederken de\u011fil, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrken sevmi\u015ftim. (sf65)
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*Ge\u00e7 kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Burada paslan\u0131p gidiyordum; haf\u0131zam paslanmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bile. Yaln\u0131zl\u0131k,
haf\u0131zay\u0131 zay\u0131flat\u0131yordu. Elbette! Kimseyle konu\u015fmuyordum ki. (sf78)
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*Ben! diye ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131m b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcc\u00fcmle. Sonra ad\u0131m\u0131 tekrarlad\u0131m birka\u00e7 kere. Ben, burada gizli bir
mezhebin kurban\u0131 olarak bir saks\u0131 \u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fi gibi kuruyup gidiyorum. Ben, \u00e7i\u00e7eklere bakmas\u0131n\u0131
bilmedi\u011fim gibi, kendime bakmas\u0131n\u0131 da bilmiyorum. Ben, yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 istemekle su\u00e7lan\u0131p yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa
mahkum edildim. Bu karara b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcc\u00fcmle muhalefet ediyorum. Ben yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011fa dayanam\u0131yorum,
ben insanlar\u0131n aras\u0131nda olmak istiyorum. \u0130nsanlar\u0131n d\u00fc\u015fmanlara da ihtiyac\u0131 vard\u0131r. (Dostlar\u0131n\u0131n
de\u011ferini bilmek i\u00e7in.) \u0130\u015fte tek ba\u015f\u0131ma y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f durumday\u0131m: Ne yemek pi\u015firmesini, ne de okumas\u0131n\u0131
becerebildim; ne \u0130ngilizce’yi, ne de tabiat\u0131 sevmesini \u00f6\u011frenebildim. (sf78)
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*Ben, galiba okudu\u011fum kitaplar\u0131n etkisinden olacak, bu dertlerin \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcms\u00fcz oldu\u011funu, ya da \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc *Ne zaman vaktin var? dedi. Her zaman. Ona bu s\u00f6z\u00fc s\u00f6yleyemedim tabii. Her zaman vaktiolanlara sayg\u0131 duyulmaz. “Yar\u0131n” dedim, “hemen” diyece\u011fime ve bu s\u00f6z\u00fcmden, daha s\u00f6ylerkenpi\u015fmanl\u0131k duydum. (sf43)Ba\u015flay\u0131p da yar\u0131m b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir s\u00fcr\u00fc te\u015febb\u00fcs, evin her taraf\u0131na da\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. (Sanki kafam daonlarla birlikte \u00e7ekmecelere, dolaplara, sand\u0131k odas\u0131n\u0131n e\u015fyalar\u0131 aras\u0131na da\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Kafam\u0131toplayam\u0131yordum bu y\u00fczden.) (sf57) *Yeteneklerimi, sevgisizlik […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_hic_yazilis_tarihi":"2018-07-16","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yazar":[],"class_list":["post-153","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-genel"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hicyoktan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hicyoktan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hicyoktan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hicyoktan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hicyoktan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=153"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/hicyoktan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":162,"href":"https:\/\/hicyoktan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/153\/revisions\/162"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hicyoktan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=153"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hicyoktan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=153"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hicyoktan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=153"},{"taxonomy":"yazar","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hicyoktan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fyazar&post=153"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
kendilerinin bulmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini \u00f6\u011f\u00fctl\u00fcyordum. ( sf124)
O\u011fuz Atay<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"